Homestyle Biscuits and Gravy

Cook time: 20 minutes
Cost: 8 dollars

Ingredients:
Store bought biscuits (maybe one day when I have gobs of time they'll be from scratch)
3 patties of sausage (approx. 1/4 pound or 4 links, skin removed)
1 tbs butter
1 1/2 tbs flour
1/2 c half and half
1/2 c whole milk
1/2 tbs cracked black pepper
pinch of salt
2 sliced green onions (optional)

So "Homestyle" is a bit of a misnomer.  I don't think my mom ever made this at home.  Instead, we had fluffed steamed egg and eggplant cooked in preserved tofu.  But this is the kind of thing that requires the genteel mindset of a southern plantation with sweet tea and a southern drawl.

1.  If you're making your biscuits from a can, pop them in the oven now.  If you're making them from scratch, godspeed.

In a medium pot cook down the sausage over high heat.  You can pretty much use any kind of sausage from fancy Whole Foods organic sustainable mulch-fed or Jimmy Dean.  Cheap ass me chose the latter.

Try and keep the pieces pretty large -- don't break them up too much as they cook.

2. Once the sausage is cooked through and browned, drain it on a paper towel.  Of course, since I'm a fatty, I'm going to leave some of the drippings in the pot.

3. Notice the drippings in the pot.  Notice the brown bits at the bottom.  All this = tasty.  It also = clogged arteries so you can remove the rendered fat if you'd like.

Add in the butter and swish it around until it's completely melted.

4. Add in the flour and cook it up into a roux.  It'll become nice and caramel brown and smell like baking bread.  Probably one of my favorite smells ever (aside from fall-scented Bath and Body Works candles).

Notice -- nice, rich, caramel brown.

5.  Once the roux is bubbling, slowly add the milk.  Be careful as it can splash.  Whisk thoroughly as you add and continue to whisk over medium high heat until it becomes thick and bubbly, about 7 minutes.

6.  Finally, add the pepper and the salt and toss the drained sausage back in.  Turn the heat to low and let all the flavors come together for a minute or two. (Notice biscuits in the background)

Slice open a biscuit and drizzle with a generous amount of gravy.  Scatter green onions on top.  Extra, extra tasty with a nice shot of Siracha.

...And here's the same plate literally two seconds later...

Quick Cook Carbonara

Cook time: 20 minutes
Cost: 10 bucks

makes 4 servings

Ingredients:
3 slices of bacon, diced
4 large mushrooms, sliced thinly
1/2 onion, chopped
1/4 c frozen peas
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
1/2 can of milk
15 oz of pasta, spaghetti or fettuccini  (or a reasonable amount for 4 people)

So I'm totally not above shortcuts.  I mean, certainly at some point, I might make a carbonara from scratch with the cream and the egg yolk and the mess and the exorbitant spending, but not on a Friday night after a long week of dealing with work bs.  Enter Campbells Cream of Mushroom soup mix, the savior I had been praying for.  Soup mixes are great sauce bases, just use half a can of milk for a creamy sauce -- plus you get all that delicious sodium and preservatives as a bonus!

1.  I'm pretty sure half of my previous recipes started with bacon.  Well, here's another one.  Slice up 3 slices of bacon and render in a hot pan.  Sometimes you want bacon soft (if it's going to continue to flavor a soup) but you want to go ahead and get this bacon nice and crispy.  Remove the bits and drain on a towel.

2.  Okay, this next step will vary depending on whether you want to go Paula Deen pre- or post- diabetes.  If pre (aka, full flavor/fat/deliciousness), leave the bacon grease in; if post (aka health pill spokesmanship), blot or drain out the grease -- and be a big party pooper.

Either way, toss in your mushrooms and onions.  You'll want to add the peas a bit later, but some of them escaped into the pan early.

3.  Once the veggies are browned, stir in the garlic.  After about a minute, add in the can of soup and the 1/2 can of milk and bring to a simmer.  Toss in the frozen peas.  Mix in the bacon bits, reserving 2 tablespoons for garnish.

Turn the heat to low and let it gently simmer while you prepare the pasta.

4.  I'm pretty sure you know how to prepare pasta but here's a picture to retain paralellism throughout the steps.  Be sure and salt/oil your water to give it a bit of seasoning.

Also, sometimes you want the pasta to be al dente (slightly undercooked) but since we aren't bringing it back to heat, you want it to be cooked all the way through.

5.  Now assemble each serving.  And that's it!  Top it off with some of the bacon bits and you're good to go.

Sumer Melon Granita

Note the gratuitous berry garnish (optional)

Cook Time: 40 minutes (plus freezing time)

Cost: 10 bucks

Ingredients:

3 cups of cubed melon (1 1/2 c honeydew, 1 1/2 c cantaloupe)

1 1/2 c apple juice

1 1/2 c water

1/2 c sugar (or a bit more/less depending on the sweetness of your fruit)

1 tsp vanilla extract

Full disclosure: I'm lactose intolerant.  So that means every time I make an ice cream, mac and cheese or cream-based soup/sauce, my digestive system pays for it dearly later that night....and the next morning, and the next afternoon.  So here's a simple, sweet treat that is thankfully lactose free.

1. In a deep pot, combine the apple juice, water, sugar and vanilla.  Bring the liquid to a gentle simmer until the sugar dissolves.

2. After the sugar dissolves, add the cubed melon and continue to simmer until the melon softens, about 5 minutes or so.  At this point, the bright green honeydew will dull in color.  Be prepared, it doesn't look too pretty.  Teacher tip: I know, I always buy a honeydew or other melon and can never eat enough in one sitting, so I bag up the leftover cubes and freeze them.  The melon I used here were previously frozen so I just plopped the thawed melon into the pot and simmered until they were thoroughly thawed through.

3. Take the pot off the heat and allow to cool, about 20 minutes or so.  Then, use an immersion blender to blend the melon mixture until smooth.  You really want to get it as smooth as possible.  At this point, you may want to taste test your warm melon mixture to make sure it's the right sweetness -- some fruit is sweeter than others based on the season and other variables.

4.  Let this mixture cool a bit.  It's probably best to let it sit in the fridge for a few hours or overnight.  Then, pour it into a 9x13 cake pan and place in the freezer overnight. (Yep, that's two days).

5. When you're ready to serve, scrape over the frozen mixture with a spoon creating soft, fluffy, shaved-ice like crystals.  Place in a glass and serve -- your tummy will thank you later.

Surf and Turf Mac and Cheese

Cook time: 2.5 hours (no joke)
Cost: 30 bucks (plus)

Ingredients

*note - makes 12 servings.  12 "normal people" or about 4 Lims

1/2 loaf of French bread, cut into 1/4 in. cubes -- about 2 c of cubes

drizzle of olive oil

1 1/2 c grated Gruyere cheese (reserve 1/2 c)

2 c grated white cheddar cheese (reserve 1/2 c)

2 c grated mild yellow cheddar cheese (reserve 1/2 c)

1/3 c parmesan (preferably shaved, but you know how it goes)

5 1/2 c milk (use whole milk, go for the gold)

6 tbs + 1 tbs butter

1/2 c flour

8 oz lobster meat

5 slices of good quality bacon, sliced into bits

1 medium shallot, diced

1 lb of pasta (spiral, elbow or anything else a 6 year old would create art out of)

2 green onions, sliced

So cooking like a teacher usually means quick, simple, everyday ingredients.  But teachers really like to cut loose.  Just check out a school the day before summer vacation starts.  Mr. Lim is definitely more psyched than little Johnny or Timmy.  So here's an indulgence for a day like that.  It's based on a Martha Stewart recipe, but only in broad strokes -- I've definitely personalized it to be my own.
This is grown up, no holds barred, doing your waistline no favors mac and cheese. 

I'm talking Paula Deen pre-Diabetes.  

It's also quite a bit of a time investor.  It will legit take about 2-3 hours from start to table so get that early 90s playlist ready, you'll be in for the long haul.

1. Prepare the breadcrumbs. Preheat oven to 275.  Take the french bread (best if it's a day or so old so it's not too soft) and cube the slices.  Each cube should be about the size of a Monopoly-standard die.

 Spread the cubes on a cookie sheet. Drizzle with olive oil and a little salt and pepper.  Put them in the oven for about 20 minutes, shaking them around after about 10.  When they're done, set them aside and turn the oven up to 375.

 2. Prepare your baking dish.  Butter a 9x13 pan with 1 tbs butter.  Since I planned on having this as my main course, I also buttered 2 French Onion soup bowls for a nice presentation.  Set aside (remember to keep it away from the oven/stove so the butter doesn't melt)

Teacher tip: Use a paper towel to help facilitate the buttering and to keep your hands non-greasy.

3. Prepare the cheese sauce.  Okay kids, here's where things get complicated.  You'll need two big, deep pots going simultaneously. 

a. In one, heat the milk over medium heat.  Don't bring it to a boil.  When you boil milk weird things happen.  Keep it at the point where steam is swirling around the top.  When this happens, turn the heat to low.

b. Meanwhile, in the other pot, heat the 6 tbs. of butter over medium.  Teacher tip: Slice the pats of butter into cubes so it melts faster and evenly. When the butter is nice and melted and bubbling, add the 1/2 c of flour.  This is the roux.  Stir, stir, stir.  

c. Stir the roux until it's a nice golden brown, probably about 5-8 minutes -- it should smell sort of like nutty, baked bread.  Carefully pour in the steaming milk, whisking as you do.  At this point, it may help to have a helper assist you with the mixing/pouring.

d. Stir, stir, stir.  Stir until the milk bubbles and thickets and richly coats the back of a wooden spoon.  If you shirk your stirring duties, it will burn and you'll have solid burnt bits -- not good.  Voila, this is a bechemel sauce.  Turn the heat off of the sauce.

e. Add the Gruyere and cheddar cheeses, keep the 1/2 cup of each aside for later.  Toss in a generous pinch of salt and a healthy does of black pepper.  Stir, stir stir.  You should a have a buttery colored, gloriously thick cheese sauce.  Pour into a bowl and set aside.  It's ok for this to cool down substantially.  There are a lot of steps before we come back to the sauce so let it hang.

4. Prepare the surf and turf.  Clean out both pots you just used.  You're going to use both of them again.  Again simultaneously.  Cooking like a teacher means maximizing efficiency.  

a. Okay, in one pot, heat up the bacon.  Render it down until it starts to get just slightly crispy but definitely not crunchy yet.  Teacher tip: fold up a paper towel and swivel it around the pan to absorb the excess fat. 

b. Add the shallots into the bacon and saute until the shallots become translucent.  Notice the tea lights. Shallots, like onions, release a tear-inducing vapor so some well-placed tea lights help reduce the crying. 

c. Add the lobster.  Okay, this might be a bit contentious.  I used frozen lobster, most certainly a Top Chef no-no, but hey, I'm not made of money.  Even then, it cost almost 20 bucks.  You can certainly use fresh lobster if you have access to it.  Or, you can use crabmeat which is substantially cheaper.  Or you can just leave it out.  You'd have to rename it "Turf Mac and Cheese" which sounds like the secret ingredient is lawn clippings.

Anyway the lobster I used was already cooked so I just tossed it around the pan to heat it up.  Then, add the cheese sauce to the surf/turn mixture and stir.  Turn the heat off and let it hang out.

d. Now cook your pasta.  I used spirals because elbow macaroni just seemed too pedestrian.  Strain it out while it's still slightly undercooked (even more undercooked than al dente) as it will continue to cook in the oven.  As you drain off the water, rinse it in cool water to ensure it doesn't overcook.

e. Mix the pasta with the cheese/meat mixture.  It may help to do it in batches because it can be damn bulky.

5. Prepare to bake! Pour the mac into your buttered dishes (aforementioned French onion bowls pictured).  Spread the reserved Gruyere/cheddar over the top.

Then spread the breadcrumbs/croutons over the top.  You may be wondering, can't I just skip this stupid bread step?  Well, if you don't vary the texture, the mac and cheese has a tendency to taste sort of gluey so the croutons give it a nice crunch.  Scatter the parmesan over the top of the croutons.

Bake in the preheated oven for about 30 minutes until it's bubbly and you can't take it anymore.  Top it off with the sliced green onions.  Prepare for oohs and ahs.

Super Simple Asian Summer Slaw

Prep Time: 20 minutes

Cost: 7 bucks

Slaw

1/2 head of a medium sized cabbage

1/2 red bell pepper, thinly sliced

1/4 red onion, thinly sliced

2 green onions, sliced on a bias

1 carrot, peeled and grated

handful of cilantro, chopped

1/4 c chopped, crushed peanuts

Dressing

1/4 c rice wine vinegar

1/2 tsp toasted sesame seed oil

1/2 tsp olive oil

1 tbs sugar

juice of half a lime

dash of red chili flakes

garlic clove, peeled and grated

pinch of salt, dash of pepper

Believe you me, I'm familiar with Asian summers.  Mostly, however, this meant Slip and Slides in the backyard and something my sister and I invented called "Fruit Ball" where we would take turns tossing perfectly good fruit at one another and hitting them with a softball bat. 

Fast forward about 20 years and summers now are a bit different.  In planning a picnic for an outdoor concert, I wondered what would be a nice side dish.  I'm a big fan of mayo-based salads (or mayo-based anything for that matter) but mayo tends to turn shiny and unappetizing in the 100-degree heat, so in this case something tart and sweet and decidedly non-congealed is in order.

1. Cut the cabbage in half.  Cut a V-shaped notch in the bottom to remove the woody stem.

2. Grate 2/3 of the cabbage.  If you grate the whole thing, it'll have a very fine texture which is okay, but if you give 1/3 of the cabbage a nice, chunky chop, it'll give the salad a little heft and also vary the texture so you're not chewing all soft bits.  Put the cabbage in a bowl (obvi).  Notice the towel under the cutting board to prevent slippage

Picture 1 -- chopped.  Picture 2 -- grated.

3. Now slice up the next 5 ingredients in the slaw list.  You can arrange them into needlessly neat piles like I did or just dump them in the bowl.

It's really hard to measure cilantro.  I just grab a sizeable bunch with my hands. Ignore the wallet in the corner.

4. Next, mix all the ingredients in the dressing list.  I like to have a nice garlicky bite but I don't like chewable chunks of raw garlic so I grate a whole clove right into the dressing.  Give it a nice, thorough whipping.

5. Toss the dressing with the slaw and let it sit in the fridge.  The longer it sits the tastier it gets so feel free and let it hang out while Idina Menzel gets the Ravinia stage warmed up.  Garnish with the peanuts.

It also tastes super great on fajitas -- no need to bring all those toppings (the lettuce, the onion, the blah blah blah), just pack some slaw and pile it high.